« You are the creator of your reality. »
Isaac Lidsky at TEDSummit
« What are you afraid of? » When a friend asked me this question, I just though « Nothing obviously, I can do anything. ». But can I?
I first awakened when I listened to what I feared and make a mental list:
I’m a girl, I’m afraid to walk alone in the street at night.
I’m afraid that my manager ask me to do more hours and not be able to say No.
I’m afraid that this guy doesn’t like me even if I try very hard to be kind with him.
I’m afraid of losing my job.
I’m afraid of stepping in a dog poo.
I’m afraid that a drunk man grabs me in the metro.
I’m afraid of buying things that aren’t useful.
I’m afraid I could lose a friend if I don’t call her/him regularly.
You name it.
I might be afraid of everything. Aren’t you?
But one day, it stopped. As my motivation went high; it was stronger than my fear. And within few month, I quit my job, bought a desk at home and started my own startup. I didn’t really though about money or family and friends relationship at this time. I did it for myself. To prove to myself I could do that on my own. My motivation was higher than my fear.
After that decision, I had plenty of time worrying about everything and anything. But I wasn’t afraid anymore. I realized that I was still alive. My family and friends were still here to help me. My main problem was Money. And it happened that I found money in many different ways each time I needed it, to continue one more month my startup adventure. Then I took expensive decisions. And I am still alive!
I’m still apprehensive when I walk alone at night but I’m not afraid anymore.
After this experience — it’s like jumping from a cliff and building something not to die during the fall — I’ve learned one thing for the rest of my life: Fear is just a point of view.
Fear appears when you’re persuaded that you can’t do anything to avoid a situation. But if you prepare yourself to react the correct way for you to be in charge in any situation. You need to work on 3 things: anticipation, learning and discipline.
- First try to anticipate every kind of situation (yes you can make a list) and gather the similar events that lead to one moment. Your first goal will be to avoid a bad situation.
- Before a bad situation happens, learn how to deal with it and create different strategic actions.
- And then, make the solution one of your most important discipline.
For example, if you’re a fireman. You know how to avoid a fire. But if a fire happens, you have learned how to deal with it. Your training becomes your discipline.
In my example, before jumping in the startup adventure I knew that I could deal with a lot of things but not the lack of money. So I listed every ways of earning money I could use to avoid bankruptcy. I trained to be able to see in advance the problem, and I allowed myself to work only on this topic as long as it was necessary. I knew it was my weakness.
At first, I was terrified by loosing money, or working without money, or living with debts. And when my motivation went high, I realized that I could beat my belief by preparing myself to fight if it was necessary. So I anticipated, I learned a lot of things and trained myself to react if necessary.
It works for everything in life that you’re afraid. 🙂
« By looking at the difference between perceived danger and actual danger, what is the real risk? What is the real thing you should be afraid of?
You can fundamentally change your reaction to things so that it allows you to go places and see things and do things that otherwise was completely denied to you. »
Chris Hadfield at TED2014
Take care
Photo from Pexels.com